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Justin Trudeau, Kinder Morgan, and feeding the status quo…

December 5, 2016

Wouldn’t it be great if politicians spoke “truth” when they made their public announcements about issues they have been harumphing over?

Wouldn’t it have been amazing if Justin Trudeau, when he announced approval of the Kinder Morgan pipeline project this week, had said “Yea, well, you know, basically we were officially approached – actually it’s called “lobbied” – by the key oil players, like 100 times in the last 300 days – you know, they really want their pipeline to go through – and you know, these oil companies are run by a bunch of tough characters who are used to getting their own way – some call them thugs, because, you know, they do tend to make environmental activists disappear – not by their own hands, of course – but, all you have to do is look at how they have handled Ecuador, and Nigeria, and Brazil, and you know, you can read the writing on the wall.

And besides, I told you in the election campaign that I am going to look at all ways to get our resources to market. Oil – black gold – Texas tea!

“And we decided, basically, not to take any meetings with environmental activists or scientists before making this decision. Why? Well they’re basically all vegetarians, and they’re all doom and gloom, what with their statistics about global warming and potential mass extinction and a fifty year timeline – their facts are like a total bummer.

“But the oil guys are like “here have another scotch, and some more prime rib. And here’s a mil for the Liberal coffers, and just go out to the podium, look into the cameras, and say as earnestly as you can, “jobs, jobs, jobs!”

“Sure, there are more jobs today in renewable resources than there are in the oil sector, and oil jobs are temporary jobs at best, but the renewable guys are not very good at playing the political game – they’re basically all just Nancy Boys in wool socks – so, even though there are more of them, it’s still pretty easy to pretend that they aren’t there – like they don’t exist at all.

“Now, in making my announcement, we, at the Liberal Party, found a scientist in Eastern Europe who can prove – beyond all question – that pipelines are environmentally safe, and that adding 1.3 million new barrels of oil to the production line every day – which these two new pipeline projects I am approving today will do – is actually good for the environment. And although some of you have pointed out that these types of scientists have previously worked for big tobacco, alcohol, pharmaceutical conglomerates, Monsanto, and in the nuclear industry, is purely a coincidence.

“I understand that there are millions of scientists out there calling for a plan that leaves all remaining fossil fuels in the ground – that we take our 6 billion in yearly Canadian oil subsidies and re-direct it into renewable resources and public transit – and that we move to close existing pipelines, not expand on them – but again, these guys are like total bummers, who fail to understand even the basics of maintaining the economic status-quo – because, you have to understand, we are not only feeding only the oil companies with these pipeline announcements, but also the big banks who will loan them the money that you will later pay back, and the military-industrial complex that is working so hard around the world to keep the price of oil so artificially cheap. These are all real jobs too, you know.

“This is a grave and serious decisions I am making today. You can tell by the way I add gravitas to my words and to my stare. Will there be a negative response from Mother Earth to this decision? Sure. But that won’t be for at least another 10 years. That’s like a century to a politician.

“I understand that with this decision I have lost the youth vote, any vote under 35 in fact, the NDP voters who jumped ship to help ward off Stephen, the environmental vote, and the liberal-progressive vote; luckily, the Conservatives are looking to vote in neo-fascists like Sam Oosterhoff, and Kellie Leitch, and the NDP’s are a ship at sea without a rudder – so I win!

Don’t you think that the 1% have a right to their space in the world? Who are you to complain about the fact that 1% of Canada’s population controls 93% of the wealth. These are real people too, you know. They have a right to exist, just like everyone else claims to have a right to exist.

That seems like pretty straight forward Grade 10 Civics to me.


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