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Sex with fruitflies #2

August 19, 2015

If you have ever seen the brilliant animated movie Ants (with Woody Allen, Sylvester Stallone and others) you will understand this:

I totally blew some fruit flies’ minds today when I discovered that I had forgotten to take out last night’s corn husks and spent cobs to the compost. So the corn had sat in the our kitchen all night in an open plastic bag. By noon today when I discovered my lapse in judgment and domestic duties, there must have been a thousand fruitflies swarming over the corn carcasses – well, it seemed like there was a 1,000.

Anyway, I quickly closed the bag, capturing most of the flies inside. I then dumped the contents into the 1/2 full composter out back. A composter, I might add, that has spent the last few days sitting in the 30C afternoon sun. I opened the lid and it was like walking into an Irish pub at 4 in the afternoon. Great swarms of flies were drunk on discarded watermelon, a bunch of rotten tomatoes, and a pile of mango skins.

Now imagine you are a fruitfly – and you have spent your short life in my kitchen with a 1/2 dozen other fruitflies, all of you trying to get by mostly on some stray peach juice that may have fallen to the floor, or the nub of a cucumber that spent five minutes sitting on the cutting board while I ate my sandwich. You then spent the night on a rare corn binge, and then suddenly, you are carried away and dropped into Foodtopia!, where there is more food waste (and varieties of food waste) than you ever could have imagined!

Would you now believe in God?

Would you think that I was your God?

(And what about the fruitflies who were left behind? Are they thanking their lucky stars for not having been captured, or are they upset that they were not also the “chosen ones”?)


Now our friends are not that enamored with our general indifference with the number of fruitflies we allow in our kitchen. If we stay on top of them – which we do about 70% of the time – we only have a dozen or two fruitflies buzzing around. Given that the fruitfly’s entire 4 day life is about eating ripe fruit and having sex with a penis that is covered in soft down – we kind of revere them as a species – so we tend to have a few around in the summer.

Which as any sane person knows – and we have been told this numerous times – 2 dozen fruitflies in the kitchen are exactly 24 too many fruitflies to ever have in one’s kitchen! For one of our friends, 1 fruitfly in the kitchen marks the demise of civilization as she knows it. What are we? Barbarians!

If that is how you see the fruitfly situation, I shrug my shoulders in your general direction. What can we do? What is summer without ripe fruit and hot sex?

Fruitflies are here to remind you of that simple fact.

P.S. If you haven’t seen Ants – I’d highly recommend it. A brilliant movie on many levels…


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