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December 12, 2014

We’re not victims, we’re survivors.

We’re more than survivors, we’re


Of pain, abandonment, mistrust.

Spasms of memories,

curled in fear – haunted…


hidden behind shields of gold

hidden behind bluster and anger,

and the anger – waves of anger –

like a Hawk’s shadow, anger waits, and circles,

and waits…

explosions so loud one cannot hear one’s own terror…

How do I describe for you years of abuse too horrible to mention? Of systems broken beyond repair?

The impotency of a child in the face of adult rage?

OCD. ADHD. PTSD. HEP C. ASD. BPD. Bi-Polar. D-Ts. abcdefg…

Wood glue and duct tape and three square meals a day.

How do I tell you, of how we will sit down tomorrow, and he will apologize – and I will tell him that he doesn’t need to – and he will apologize more, and he will cry and he will scream and we will make a plan – to start all over again?

To start all over again.


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