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The Rob Ford Gobsmack! of the century!

November 16, 2013

Okay, was there anything more beautiful in politics today than Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s hilarious gut busting media comment about how much snatch he eats at home?

Gobsmacked, I tell you! Gobsmacked! (There just aren’t enough exclamation marks to show you how gobsmacked I am.)

I haven’t heard that kind of man talk since the last time I heard it done as a one-liner for laughs at my uncles’ hunting camp.

How rare it is that I ever see anyone anymore in politics that leaves me utterly gobsmacked. (Outside of the Tea Party, that is.)

Rob Ford’s comment was so beautiful in its unexpectedness. That it happened, and that I saw it, made me very very happy. For the pure unexpectedness of it. And that he said it so casually. And openly.

Today I experienced pure unadulterated schandenfreude.

But it is the kind of happiness that is layered with disappointment and sadness. Oh, how it was so sad to see.

Mayor Ford’s comment was such a blast of unabashed Barbarian honesty. Which, ultimately Rob Ford is. He is a pure Barbarian archetype. He displays all the classic tropes of being a Barbarian. He is now 250-300 pounds overweight; he has been accused of being a wife abuser, a bully, an alcoholic, crack user and a coke snorter. He openly disdains readers, or anyone with even a whiff of “intellectualism”. He is known to hang out with gangbangers and organized crime. He walks around with thugs hanging off each shoulder and is not afraid to punch journalists or anyone else who gets in his way. Caligula immediately comes to mind when I think of such men in history.

And yes, as a former Torontonian, and Canadian, I have to ask myself, how did someone this dumb – yes, this straight-out low-functioning if-the-average-I.Q-is-100-Rob Ford-is-probably-about-90 kind of dumb – how did he ever, ever! make it this far in politics?

When I look at Rob Ford, I can see how George Bush made it to Yale.

Rob Ford is the perfect exemplar of exactly how far, and how not-far, wealth can take you. (If you didn’t already know this, Rob Ford’s family is stupid stinking rich – in that ‘if the Kardashians were thugs’ kind of way.)

John Stewart’s The Daily Show captured the entire absurdity of Ford’s comments of how he didn’t need to eat pussy at work because, as he so casually said, he had “lots to eat at home”. My girlfriend was laughing so hard at Stewart’s take on a comment she started crying – and then – well, cried for real.

She says that now that corporations run the world and pay for elections – these are the people they let run the game of politics.

She thinks Ford is a very calculated execution of the classic bait and switch. While developers pick Toronto clean, like right down to the lint in the pockets clean, the people jump up and down and laugh and point their finger at the big fat clown and his drug problem. Cha-ching!

If that’s true, then Rob Ford is not a clown. He’s more of a Frankenstein. He’s someone who destroys the world, in his ongoing attempts to destroy himself.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Eric Weiner permalink
    November 16, 2013 8:43 pm

    Ah but his popularity is up even higher. Such a man of the people. It just shows how open minded his loyal followers are – so open minded maybe their brains fell out.

    • S.J. Hines permalink*
      November 16, 2013 8:59 pm

      Like frenzied rats – while all around the word is chanted: ‘doom’ ‘doom’ ‘doom’ – we laugh and laugh and laugh ourselves to death…

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