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Obesity pills, helicopter parents and Justin Bieber (please spit)

March 11, 2011

I discovered today in the Toronto Star that scientists feel they are one tantalizing step closer to producing an “obesity pill”. They have discovered (in mice) that if you prohibit the ingestion of specific proteins – the mice can then overeat all they want and not gain an ounce. The procedure also reduces blood sugar counts.

Isn’t that marvelous?! Let the gorging begin!

And there was good news for all those helicopter moms and dads out there. Increasingly, teachers are being expected to file daily e-mails updates that tell parents everything that went on that day at school. Everything from daily test scores, attendance, general attitudes, and project due dates. And some email programs will even remind naughty parents as to when they last visited the email site – so as to maintain good adult peer pressure.

And in London, England, helicopter parents are experimenting with GPS micro-chips that are built right into little Jimmy’s back-pack. This will allow parents to access London’s vast camera security system – via their computer monitor – and gain instant visual contact with their child at all times. There are so many security cameras in London now (an estimated half million) that you can follow every step your child takes from the front door to the school yard. Isn’t that wonderful? What Grade 5 kid doesn’t need to be watched at all times. Simply marvelous.

And finally, more signs of the coming apocalypse:

Justin Bieber (spit please) had to be warned by the Liverpool police yesterday that if he went out on the balcony of his hotel room to look out over and admire his hordes of awaiting fans he would be arrested and charged with inciting a riot. Just the mere sight of him, it was thought, could cause an uncontrolled frenzy amongst 12-year-old girls.

Bieber later tweeted his fans that he thought they were “crazy” and he thought that Emma Watson was “hot”.

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